We have all experienced that momentary blunder. Words spew from our mouths as if having a mind of their own, and before realizing what is being said, they have already had an impact. Those words may have expressed exactly how we felt or thought subconsciously, but should have been spoken in a manner which reflected much more thought. Thinking before speaking is essential to communicating thoughts effectively in any situation, but particularly when the emotions of others are involved. It's not that we have to be restrictive in what we say, but to be able to say it in a way that creates the desired results. In other words, it's not what we say, but how we say it. This is true in any of our relationships, but no where is more important than in relationships with the people we love.
When meeting a woman for the first time, a man will say all of the right things to gain her attention. He puts thought into what he says and listens attentively because he has a genuine interest. He will be on his best behavior, hiding any negatives in his personality. When he speaks, every word is well planned, and he is particular about how he presents himself. The objective is to gain the interest of that person and hopefully get to know them better.
Eventually, attraction turns into stronger emotional involvement, and he becomes comfortable with allowing more of himself to the surface. Conversations become more spontaneous, and less thought is placed on saying the right thing. Instead, he has reached the point when he rather just say what is on his mind. Depending on the situation, this could create negative emotions in the relationship.
Effective communication is important in any interpersonal interaction, whether it's at work, dealing with government agencies, or out with friends. What we say in one circumstance may not work in another. How we communicate with loved ones man make or break a relationship. Expressing thoughts and feelings in a manner that gets our point across without hurting or berating others can improve relationships.
Speaking before applying thought can create negative feelings if what we are trying to express is taken out of context or misinterpreted. For instance, if you're watching the news and something is being reported of particular interest to you, but your wife or girlfriend walks in and begins talking about something important to her, it may not be a good idea to shout "be quiet". Instead, asking her calmly to allow you to hear the end of the story may be better. Even better is waiting to read the story in the paper the next day, and take the time to listen to what she has to say. Thinking before we speak can reduce friction and negative emotions. It can also help defuse potential arguments before they begin.
Communicating effectively is not always easy. For many people, the natural instinct is to react defensively to a situation. However, there are techniques that when applied, can help lessen the possibility of talk before thought.
1. Inhale deeply before speaking. This is a quick form of meditation, and helps to lower anxiety.
2. Count to five before reacting to a negative comment. This helps us to calm down and gather our thoughts.
3. Before responding to a comment, try understanding the other person's point of view.
Improving the manner in which we handle a situation can be instrumental in maintaining healthy relationships. Thinking about what you say before saying it ensures that you are communicating your true thoughts instead of your reactions.
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