Why guys are intimidated by a womans' ex-boyfrind?


Few guys would ever admit to being intimidated by another man. A man likes to think of himself as a "real man", a "man's man", a "Viking" who is master of his domain. Men are conditioned to be strong, fearless providers and protectors. They are wild bucks, kings of the jungle, and conquering Caesars who back down to no one, until finding themselves in the presence of the dreaded ex-boyfriend.


Men are uncomfortable with the thought that the chastity of their love has already been violated. They may push the thought aside, or accept it as a reality of life, but they would rather not ever be faced with it. A man may be confidently self assured of his place in a woman's life in front of men with whom she has no interest, but just the thought of her being with a flame from her past can make him doubt his relationship.

There will also be the question of what feelings remain between a woman and her "ex". And some women can cast further doubt with statements like, "I still care for him, but I am no longer in love with him", or "He's in my past, I'm with you now". Though reassuring and momentarily comforting, those comments do not erase all of a man's doubts. As much as he may try to convince himself, there is always the thought that she may still care for her former boyfriend more than she admits.

There are other reasons why a man may feel threatened by a woman's past. Men can be territorial, egotistical, and internally emotional. If a woman frequently references a previous boyfriend, or maintains some level of close friendship with him, then a man may feel that his territorial rights have been violated, and his ego turns that into a "respect" issue. He may express his feelings through rational dialogue, but deep inside, he is emotionally crushed.

Some women use their relationship with their "ex" as an item of negotiation. They dangle their association as if she could always go back. For some it's a game, but for others, it becomes a serious threat when things are not going their way in the relationship. It is a form of manipulation that may keep a man forever wary. Men often want to create fond memories in a relationship, but they never want to compete with them.

12 comments:

imelda said...

getting intimidated is a sign of low self confidence

Terry Marsh said...

I agree Imelda, but is it not also natural to wonder if there may still be feelings between a woman and her ex?

David Tamayo said...

I don't know if I would be "intimidated". I think a word for me would be "annoyed". Some people just dont know how to let go. ;o)

Warren said...

Not a chance, my wife was married before but he was a dork. Now we have been married 38 years and I don't even notice the guy anymore.

baterya said...

ex boyfriend usually tend to be a friendly type and make a move when your have a big fight with your girlfriend. It may not be the case always but it always is like that. And because men knows this because there is some connection before and assuming that if make a move on the girl again. She would take him back especially when the current boyfriend is not working perfectly

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imelda said...

been here to check on updates and to click on ur ads here

Terry Marsh said...

Thanks Imelda, I'll return the favor.

Trueman said...

Everyone has an ex so it's something we all have to get used to. We always want to know about the last guy to see how we measure up.

As for a woman using an ex as a negotiation piece, I have an ex too. Let's not play that game.

Wilmaryad said...

We all do that, which is stupid because, if the guy was all that, she wouldn't have left him to be with you!

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