When communication problems create relationship issues

It is an acknowledged fact that communication issues, or the lack of communication, can create irreparable damage to a relationship. Those relationships in which couples develop the skills to navigate through problems have a much better chance of long term survival. Others are doomed due to communication styles employed in airing grievances, or because of the prolonged existence of unresolved issues.


Aggressive or threatening dialogue is widely known to create more problems in relationships than they solve. Relationship issues are heightened rather than reduced in heated exchanges, and seldom does one person yield to the rational of the other. Couples who fail to find common ground in resolving conflicts will also fail in finding emotional fulfillment. Happiness in a relationship cannot exist without learning to negotiate through difficulties.

The lack of communication can be as dangerous as aggressive communication in the long term health of a relationship. There are times when one or both individuals will hold their true thoughts or feelings inside to avoid a potentially explosive situation. But that doesn't solve the problem. Choosing not to communicate about an issue is like playing Russian roulette. The participants know that the gun is loaded, and it's only a matter of time before the live round is fired.

The most effective communication in relationships has been long thought to be open communication, where two individuals exchange thoughts and opinions based on personal views nurtured by past influences. In such a dialogue, addressing relationship issues is considered healthy as long as both individuals can agree to disagree.

Open communication has proved effective in the simple resolution of minor relationship problems. However, when agreeing to disagree does not produce a long term solution to the core issues in the relationship, those problems continue to live below the surface with the possibility of becoming more volatile if, or when they resurface. Communicating about the problem is an effective first step, but eliminating the problem is by far the most efficient means of achieving a long term solution.

Occasionally, couples must look outside of their relationship for assistance in healing what is inside of their relationship. Couples therapy or marriage counseling can be an effective means of working through issues creating emotional distance. But for therapy to work, both individuals must embrace the concept. Without a joint effort, there can be no long term solution.

There are no one size fits all solutions to solving every problem in a relationship. Life just isn't that simple. But actively addressing those issues that could lead to long term problems drastically increases the likelihood of a happier relationship.